Cool Mind Warm Heart

Death Reminds Us Not To Miss a Moment

Death is visiting, bringing reminders not to miss a moment.

My grandson, Sam, 14, lives in upstate New York.  Like countless other adolescent lacrosse players in his part of the world, he dreams of the day his blood turns orange as he takes the field for Syracuse.  This past week, at a local indoor sports complex, Sam was waiting for a game to wrap up so his team’s contest could begin.  A boy on one of the teams playing in that preceding game, a boy from a neighboring town whom Sam had competed against any number of times, was struck by the lacrosse ball on the chest in the perfect spot at the perfect moment in the heart’s rhythm to cause his heart to stop.  It is a rare, freakish event with the medical name of “commotio cordis.”  As almost always happens, apparently, resuscitation was unsuccessful.

Sometimes We Must Risk It All

You have to reject one expression of the band before you can have another.  And in between you have nothing.  You have to risk it all. 
~ Bono (of the band U2), in the documentary “From the Sky Down”.

❧

the essay

The Most Accomplished Person on Earth Has Nothing on Us

The rest of us may not be able to jump underwater on a pogo stick in the Amazon for three hours and forty minutes, but we recognize that what it takes to do so is no more than what it takes to meet each moment of our day with love.

the essay

Never Give Up

Never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about.
~ On a scrap of paper among my belongings

Becoming Seekers

Imagine being 50 and fabulously successful on society’s terms at every step of your life.    You were probably valedictorian of your pre-school class, and the playground kids always voted you captain.  Today you’re CEO of a prosperous organization populated by wonderful colleagues who, for good reason, think you’re pretty terrific. 

Now imagine discovering that all that has brought you to this point in your life is not enough to take you where you want to go.

the essay

Not Malicious, Just Nuts

I’m so glad I plan to live to be a hundred and fifty.  I’m such a slow learner.

At age 68, with nearly 23 years of sobriety, it was only a few days ago that I realized, not intellectually, but in my cells at a new depth, that I’m not a malicious person, nor have I ever been.  I’m just nuts.

the essay

 

Humility When Stuff Hits the Fan

The Joe Paterno saga* reminds me that there are wonderful novelists for whom backstory (how a person or situation got to this moment) means little or nothing.  What matters, they contend, are the actions and consequences of today.  I’m sympathetic.  Surely there is no more important moment than the one we’re in: making a choice, as we all do––love or fear, regardless of every choice we’ve made previously.  Yet I’m also drawn to the big story––indeed, the biggest possible story––for I find that it helps me grow humility, a valuable commodity anytime, but especially when stuff hits the fan as it has in Happy Valley.**

the whole essay

The Root of a Lot of Laughter and Forgiveness

Some smartypants, who heard me pontificate that how we define our world creates our world, recently asked if I could define myself.

If I’d thought about it, I would have said what my beloved Yogananda once remarked: I’m a tiny bubble of laughter in the sea of mirth.  Thankfully, instead of searching for poetry, I simply opened my heart and found myself blurting, “I am a very gifted person.”  By that I didn’t mean talented, as many do when they use that adjective.  I meant, literally, a person who has been given gifts––in my case, beaucoup.

Comfort Kills...And Brings Us Back To Life

Comfort is among life’s essential treasures and most dangerous pursuits.  Without it, health is impossible.  Yet, when it is life’s goal, it kills us.  Fortunately, any choice we make can serve us on the journey of waking up.

We All Can Be Steve Jobs In the Way That Matters Most

In the wake of his death, the all-but-exclusive focus on the “super-specialness” of Steve Jobs can be a disservice to him and us. 

It’s kind of like Jesus or Buddha or history’s great saints.  If they’re special because God tapped them on the noggin and said, “I hereby anoint you Wonderful Beyond Measure,” what the hell good are they to us?  They provide no example we can apply to our life.  The question isn’t what makes Mr. Jobs delightfully unique.  The question is what do we have in common with him.  What is there about his remarkable insights and achievements that we share, and therefore can learn from and take action on?

When the Going Gets Weird

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
~ Hunter S. Thompson

Ruthless Saints: A Sign of Life

[from the archives]

Here’s one measure of how the world is heading in a positive direction. 

Fifty years ago the epitome of the circus was Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey.  With its lion tamers, dancing bears, trick horses, performing elephants, monkeys on bikes, and seals bouncing beach balls on their noses, the implicit message was Man Over Beast.  Even the aerialists, tightrope walkers, jugglers, fire-eaters, knife-throwers and human pretzels were an example of Man Over the Beast Within.  Today, the epitome of the circus is Cirque du Soleil, whose implicit message is The Celebration of Humanity.  Indeed, Cirque leaves most churches in the dust when it comes to inspiring the integration of body, mind and spirit: the criteria for living as a whole person. 

Choosing Love When It Comes To Chicks

I’m not exactly sure what it means to be a feminist, but I assume it includes considering females beyond gender stereotypes.  If that’s reasonably close, then the first big feminist choice I remember making occurred when I decked Kathy McMinn as she was racing for home.

Encounter With the Big Mother of Commitment

If you ask me, life begins for real when we make a commitment––ride a horse well, get an A in Calculus, break par, talk the folks into bankrolling a dirt bike, finish grad school before we’re a grandparent...on and on.  And the biggest, most powerful commitment we ever make, the one that takes us on a roller-coaster ride like no other, occurs when we answer for ourselves: Who will I be or die trying?

An essay about a leader who has a stroke

Dignity, Beauty, Absurdity

Here’s a little something, if you care to try, I’d love to hear your experience.

The request was, “In a place you frequently frequent, take a quiet look around.  From whatever you see, create a story you’ve never told before that captures the essence of who you are.”

Why No Bliss

There’s only one reason why you’re not experiencing bliss at this present moment, and it’s because you’re thinking or focusing on what you don’t have.
~ Anthony deMello

Embracing Messy

A man I’ll call Bob spoke of how choosing to discipline his kids by hitting them has changed his life...by breaking his heart.  The handful of us present, Bob included, took another step in understanding what it takes to love.

Death Ends a Life, Not a Relationship

Forty years ago my pop dropped dead while playing golf one glorious October Saturday morning on his home course overlooking the oddest of New York’s Finger Lakes, the one shaped like a Y.  At 65, it was a fitting exit for a guy who’d lived a charmed life.  That today I, too, enjoy no shortage of wild-ass blessings amidst the many pains of ignorance, reminds me how much my dad is part of me.

An essay for Father's Day

 

Founders of Civilization

When tillage begins, other arts follow.  The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization.
~ Daniel Webster

 

 

Fear Should Win the Nobel Peace Prize

 

What powerful teachers all forms of fear are, leading us to happiness with reminders of what deserves our loving attention.  And because we humans are a little dense at this stage of the game, to get our attention, some of those reminders are excruciating.

the whole essay

Creating From The Heart

If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing.
~ Marc Chagall

The Price of Beliefs

One hundred fifty years ago this month (1861) our nation’s Civil War began.  More than 600,000 participants died because those with the influence to bring about such devastation trusted that they understood the mind of God––at least enough to create enemies and kill them. 

Seventy years ago this month (1941) in Annapolis, Maryland (according to John McPhee in his essay “Spin Right Shoot Left”), the lacrosse team of the United States Naval Academy refused to take the field if Lucien Alexis, Jr., of Harvard did, too.  Alexis was black.  Harvard sent him home.  Of course, both institutions, I’m sure, were convinced they represented the noblest ideals of our nation, and indeed of humankind.

Surely we can all think of examples today of how such ignorance manifests itself...maybe even in ourselves, if you can believe it.

The CEO Speaks of Heartbreak

My client, a CEO, opens his heart, and I dive deep to translate into words his meaning, his spirit.  Once or twice a month we create a message to his entire company.  I share this particular one with you because it’s about living up to our own ideals in the face of tremendous pain––a challenge familiar to us all.

Buddha Sitting Across the Breakfast Table

Maybe someday our moments will include a unique, in-the-flesh, relationship with a being whose consciousness and God’s are one.  And won’t that be wonderful.  But Buddha sitting across the breakfast table, and our days guided by a host of angels doesn’t change the reality that our spiritual journey is our responsibility—choosing love, breath by breath.
~ Mirror Man

The Universe Has a Beautiful Sense of Humor

Take yesterday’s reminder (yet again) that the purpose of life is simply to wake up, to be ever more mindful of our choices. 

Remembering You Kindly: The Hardest Job on Earth

 

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
~ Maya Angelou

An essay about stuff that causes the heart to smile

Our Friend, The Impossible

 

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.
~ Charles Swindoll, writer, clergyman

Fear Number One

According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking.  Death is number two.  Does that sound right?  This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
~ Jerry Seinfeld

Thought Number One for 2011

When the avatar, Paramahansa Yogananda, was about to leave his body in 1952, he was asked how his work in the world would continue without his physical presence.  He said, basically, when I am gone, only love will take my place.  I’m sure this sentiment isn’t unique to Yogananda or anyone else who’s on a first name basis with the ultimate nature of things.  After all, even for us chickens, what more rewarding (if occasionally terrifying) practice is there than to embrace every life experience as a gift to grow love?

By the way, for those who enjoy my drawings and/or photographs of my stone sculptures, a variety of them are now available for purchase in my website’s gift shop (A Place To Buy Love).  Among other items is the 21st Century Coloring Book: Playful, Loving, Deep.

 

 

Holiday Feet

Which Would You Prefer: To Win the Lottery, Or Become Paraplegic?

I actually saw a guy ask that in a presentation he was giving on happiness.

His point was that while, in the short-term, the answer is no doubt obvious, long-term it’s a bit trickier....

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We're All Kings of the World, Whether We Know It Or Not

Most holidays are sneaky.  Their purpose is way deeper than how we commonly think of them.  Thanksgiving, for instance.  It reminds us that, gender notwithstanding, we’re all kings of the world.

For Pain and Laughs, You Can't Beat an AA Meeting

More...

Lightening the Load of Taking Ourselves Seriously

A story of fresh juicy blueberry pie, even when told by the likes of Shakespeare or Beethoven or Picasso, is a long haul from the experience of actually smooshing our face into one, noshing away to our tummy’s content.

My bet is that even the most articulate among us––beginning with whatever fabulous communicator you admire most––lives with the cool understanding that there is a grand canyon between what’s in their mind and heart and their ability to express it. 

MORE

 

 

 

The Plot Doesn't Thicken Without Troublemakers

I just found out the Dalai Lama, who as the world’s number one Buddhist monk I always took to be a vegetarian, eats meat, and has for a long while.  What a hoot!: a nice lesson in pliancy for us all, embellished I wouldn’t be surprised by man’s twinkly sense of humor.

MORE 

Fried Grasshoppers on the Road to Enlightenment

One of my favorite cowboy movies is “Lonesome Dove.”  I especially like the scene where trail bosses Woodrow and Gus are interviewing a prospective cook and the cook offers them a sample of his handiwork.  Woodrow puts something unrecognizable in his mouth and says, basically, “That’s tasty, what is it?”  And when the cook says fried grasshopper, Woodrow spits it out as if were snake poop.

Read On

Winning the Lottery of Love

A reflection in the season of weddings

[originally published in 2006]

That my wife has offered her kidney to someone without asking me how I felt about it is among the more gratifying experiences of my life. 

Read on

 

Managing Performance Anxiety

A singing coach friend recently asked for any insights I might have to help one of her students who is being challenged with performance anxiety. 

One of my sons calls me the well-adjusted agoraphobic.  Small talk is beyond me, but when it comes to the stuff of the heart I can speak at ease to anyone, single ear to the population of most phone books.  Among the reasons is my one and only speaking coach, Charlotte Fitzpatrick, the woman who, 50 years ago when I was in 12th grade, made me the American Legion speaking champ in my county.  Never mind that the achievement was helped by the fact that only I and one other kid competed for the prize, since ours was the least populated county in the state.

Mrs. Fitz asked me how I felt whenever I saw someone make a poor public presentation. I said I hated it.  She said what do you wish for that person.  I said I wished they would be wonderful.  She said remember that, remember that's the way everyone in your audience is feeling about you.  They're rooting for you to be great.  Feel their support, and let it serve you.

No Bad

For the wise man, there is nothing to be called bad.  Any adversity of life provides a step for his growth, provided he knows how to utilize it.
~ Buddha

Chariot of the Sun

Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him.  But a day comes when he begins to care that he does not cheat his neighbor.  Then all goes well.  He has changed his market-cart into a chariot of the sun.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Just Be Naked

 

I’m three years in age junior to the lovely Ringo Starr (who’s just turned 70), but like him I’m aware that, when it comes to the things that matter most––peace, love and the ability to rock-and-roll––life surely can get richer with age. 

I feel that, since birth, I’ve been in a school not dissimilar to Harry Potter’s (full of  weirdness, magic, heartbreak, inspiring friends and over-the-top teachers) and I’m just about at the point of having enough understanding, humor and humility to be of service in our strange world.  I’m nobody special.  Lots of us feel that way, and probably will no matter how long we live.  We see no finish line.  Our goal is more and better.  The tattoo on our heart says: “Just be naked.” 

Communicating As Beautifully As Our Dreams

A word about the power of exceptional communication and what it takes to create it: Communicating As Beautifully As Our Dreams.

Freedom From Fear

It is not that you must be free from fear.  The moment you try to free yourself from fear, you create a resistance against fear.  Resistance, in any form, does not end fear.  What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear;  that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it.  We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it, not how to resist it through courage and so on.

~ J. Krishnamurti

The Buddha's Two Cents

Do not believe anything on mere hearsay; do not believe traditions because they are old and handed down through many generations; do not believe simply because the written  testimony of some ancient sage is shown to you; never believe anything because presumptions is in its favor or the custom of many years leads you to regard as true; do not believe anything on the mere authority of teachers or priests.  Whatever according to your own experience and after thorough investigation agrees with your reason, and is conducive to your own weal and to that of all other living things, THAT accept as truth and live accordingly.

~ Gotama, the Buddha

Toil's Reward

The highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get from it, but what they become by it.

–– John Ruskin