Cool Mind Warm Heart

Death Reminds Us Not To Miss a Moment

Death is visiting, bringing reminders not to miss a moment.

My grandson, Sam, 14, lives in upstate New York.  Like countless other adolescent lacrosse players in his part of the world, he dreams of the day his blood turns orange as he takes the field for Syracuse.  This past week, at a local indoor sports complex, Sam was waiting for a game to wrap up so his team’s contest could begin.  A boy on one of the teams playing in that preceding game, a boy from a neighboring town whom Sam had competed against any number of times, was struck by the lacrosse ball on the chest in the perfect spot at the perfect moment in the heart’s rhythm to cause his heart to stop.  It is a rare, freakish event with the medical name of “commotio cordis.”  As almost always happens, apparently, resuscitation was unsuccessful.

Sometimes We Must Risk It All

You have to reject one expression of the band before you can have another.  And in between you have nothing.  You have to risk it all. 
~ Bono (of the band U2), in the documentary “From the Sky Down”.

❧

the essay

Becoming Seekers

Imagine being 50 and fabulously successful on society’s terms at every step of your life.    You were probably valedictorian of your pre-school class, and the playground kids always voted you captain.  Today you’re CEO of a prosperous organization populated by wonderful colleagues who, for good reason, think you’re pretty terrific. 

Now imagine discovering that all that has brought you to this point in your life is not enough to take you where you want to go.

the essay

This Bug May Be Healthier Than Apple

 

On many levels, Apple is one of my favorite companies.  I’m a sucker for excellence that aspires to serve both mind and heart.  I love people who strive to be outrageously good at something or die trying.  I applaud those who presume to guide the world’s understanding.  I celebrate anyone whose heros include elegance, simplicity, intelligence, intuition, playfulness, love and depth.  At this very moment, however, a client of mine (no bigger than a bug compared to Apple) just might have a better chance of fulfilling its aspirations over the next decade than Apple does.

the essay

Not Malicious, Just Nuts

I’m so glad I plan to live to be a hundred and fifty.  I’m such a slow learner.

At age 68, with nearly 23 years of sobriety, it was only a few days ago that I realized, not intellectually, but in my cells at a new depth, that I’m not a malicious person, nor have I ever been.  I’m just nuts.

the essay

 

The Power of Thought

    In my childhood, I used to get angry at injustices.  One day I saw how foolish it was: I could not change the world in a minute by a display of wrath.  I raised my hands and vowed: “I will never be angry again.”  Since then, I have never been angry within, though I can be outwardly fiery when necessary.

    Just as by the power of thought you can change yourself to be whatever you want to be, so most importantly, you will be able to change your consciousness from that of a mortal to a divine being.

~ Paramahansa Yogananda (1893-1952)

Peace, Irene

Hurricane Irene beat the snot out of Vermont this past August, 2011.  The most destructive natural disaster in the state’s history, they say.  A few lost their lives.  More than a few lost everything else.  Everybody lost something, if only their attachment to what is and isn’t possible in their own backyard.

We All Can Be Steve Jobs In the Way That Matters Most

In the wake of his death, the all-but-exclusive focus on the “super-specialness” of Steve Jobs can be a disservice to him and us. 

It’s kind of like Jesus or Buddha or history’s great saints.  If they’re special because God tapped them on the noggin and said, “I hereby anoint you Wonderful Beyond Measure,” what the hell good are they to us?  They provide no example we can apply to our life.  The question isn’t what makes Mr. Jobs delightfully unique.  The question is what do we have in common with him.  What is there about his remarkable insights and achievements that we share, and therefore can learn from and take action on?

Managing Change in Real Time

We knew she might be dying––and that that was beside the point.

the essay

 

Choosing Love When It Comes To Chicks

I’m not exactly sure what it means to be a feminist, but I assume it includes considering females beyond gender stereotypes.  If that’s reasonably close, then the first big feminist choice I remember making occurred when I decked Kathy McMinn as she was racing for home.

What's Worth Saying?

Arresting, emotionally powerful, meaningful, memorable––those four terms may define effective communication, but they don’t mean much until we’ve decided that the idea in our noggin is actually worth banging our gums on.  So how do we do that?  What filter, if any, might we wish to place between the phantasmagoric smorgasbord within our cranial vault and each sound that pops out of our mouth?

Encounter With the Big Mother of Commitment

If you ask me, life begins for real when we make a commitment––ride a horse well, get an A in Calculus, break par, talk the folks into bankrolling a dirt bike, finish grad school before we’re a grandparent...on and on.  And the biggest, most powerful commitment we ever make, the one that takes us on a roller-coaster ride like no other, occurs when we answer for ourselves: Who will I be or die trying?

An essay about a leader who has a stroke

Embracing Messy

A man I’ll call Bob spoke of how choosing to discipline his kids by hitting them has changed his life...by breaking his heart.  The handful of us present, Bob included, took another step in understanding what it takes to love.

Essence of a Noble Aspiration

I’ve been privileged to help a rather special CEO bring forward a vision for his company that is among the most powerful statements of common intention I’m aware of.  Should you, dear reader, have an interest in such things, I would gladly mail you a copy of the foundational brochure we produced.  It’s titled, The Seed: Essence of a Noble Aspiration.

The Plot Doesn't Thicken Without Troublemakers

I just found out the Dalai Lama, who as the world’s number one Buddhist monk I always took to be a vegetarian, eats meat, and has for a long while.  What a hoot!: a nice lesson in pliancy for us all, embellished I wouldn’t be surprised by man’s twinkly sense of humor.

MORE 

Creating the Perfect Love

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.

~ Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

(At a recent family wedding, the great-grandfather of the groom, my nephew.)

Winning the Lottery of Love

A reflection in the season of weddings

[originally published in 2006]

That my wife has offered her kidney to someone without asking me how I felt about it is among the more gratifying experiences of my life. 

Read on

 

Chariot of the Sun

Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him.  But a day comes when he begins to care that he does not cheat his neighbor.  Then all goes well.  He has changed his market-cart into a chariot of the sun.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Creating a Vision

New essay: Creating a Vision

It's A Blessing To Be A Drunk

Imagine the universe lovingly putting a gun to your head and saying, “Change or die, sweetheart.” 

Talk about an offer you can’t refuse, though sadly many of us do.  We’d rather the familiarity of misery than the unknown of new life.

Still, I know a lot of recovering drunks (me among them) who will tell you that’s precisely the message they needed to hear before they were willing to commit themselves to being alive rather than being a dead man or woman walking.  And since being dead but still able to fog a mirror isn’t unique to drunks, addicts at large, or pretty much any other category of human, to receive such an unmistakable invitation is a blessing.

Communicating As Beautifully As Our Dreams

A word about the power of exceptional communication and what it takes to create it: Communicating As Beautifully As Our Dreams.

Living In A Playful Universe Takes Practice

Einstein said that the fundamental question facing humankind is whether the universe is a friendly place.  We each have our own answer.  That the Easy Rider rifle rack on my pickup holds an umbrella and the truck’s vanity license plate is YESS suggests mine.

I’m of the tribe that finds the universe endlessly loving and deep...in a playful sort of way.

Playful includes the irony that governs our inner happiness and worldly journey, an irony that applies to individuals and institutions alike: Life is completely an inside job, yet the more we think about ourselves the less alive we are.

The Ultimate Joy Ride

 

The universe is so damned accommodating.  It gives us what we ask for.

When I finally did more than bang my gums about my life’s purpose and actually committed myself to living it, I awoke duct-taped to a shooting star.

A Zillion of Us Are Just Like Tiger

I and my zillion closest friends are just like Tiger Woods, and boy are we thankful. 

We’re addicts of one persuasion or another.  More to the point, each of us is on a path of recovery: waking to the beauty of being an ordinary schmoe––doing our best not to bullshit ourselves. 

When Our Real Parents Die

He said, “I used to meditate for two things.  But today my parents died and I am in sorrow, so I’m not meditating.”  His language was entirely mystical.

I said, “Your parents died?  You’re a swami.  You have nothing to do with parents.”

“No, no,” he said.  “You also have parents.  When they die you will understand.”  He continued: “Attachment was my mother, and anger was my father.  They both died, so I have nothing to do....”

~ Swami Rama

SINGING MEANINGFUL SONGS

Although I would prefer that a two-ton potato not fall on my head, I’m grateful to be reasonably unattached to whether I’m alive or not.  It makes it easier to decline to participate in our nation’s wacky and profoundly harmful approach to health care. 

It is my intention never to agree to pay out-of-pocket for any essential medical service.   If that means I’m refused care, so be it.  Maybe I’ll change my mind if I’m in excruciating pain, and if I do, I’ll learn something about myself.  But it won’t alter my commitment to resist a way of thinking about so-called human health that is at odds with human dignity.  I’m speaking of the view that medical treatment is not a right but a privilege, and that it’s okay for someone to become financially devastated because of his or her health.  As George Carlin said about America, we’re a great country but a strange culture.

The Universe She Be Sneaky

One of my early wake-up calls happened when I was maybe 10, an alter boy daydreaming of God.

“Steve, a gigantic meteor is headed for China.  If you choose, you can prevent the death of the entire Chinese population.  To do so, you must dive to the deepest part of the lake and move a stone that covers a secret passage to the center of the earth.  Unfortunately, the dive will kill you.  Even more, your death will be painful.  Will you take on the job?”

“Gee, I guess so, why not?” I found myself saying. 

And with that, I could no longer get why anybody thought it was a big deal that Jesus died to save humankind.  I mean, who wouldn’t? 

Clear Vision

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams.  Who looks inside, awakens.
–– Carl Jung

A Few Good Funerals

“Divine perversity” (a term I made up) is when the universe asks us to teach that which we most have to learn.   If that weren’t bad enough, the best teaching can take place only with a few good funerals.

Since all we ever teach is ourselves, teaching the “real” us requires the death of whatever masks we wear.  Such as my old standby, Mr. I’ve Got My Shit Together.   Letting go of masks can be like the passing of a dear friend.  It’s tough for anyone, perhaps  especially those who play the role of leader in a world where image is everything. 

But that difficulty is actually a blessing, so far as I can tell.  It is the universe encouraging us to become more and more aware that, in every moment, with every choice, we are answering what some consider to be life’s most important question: “Who am I?” 

You can read more on the topic in my recent essay, Divine Perversity and the Death of Masks.

How...is everything

How we define our world actually creates our world.

–– Danaan Parry

TO COMMUNICATE WELL

My professional history has caused me to be asked on occasion, “What will it take for us to communicate effectively with the world?”  Over the years, the first words out of my mouth have become, “Learn to manage fear.” 

Eyebrows have been known to hit the skylight in response—“fear” being the most despised four-letter word in American business, if not everywhere.  No surprise, really.  We fear most what we understand least.

So I offer my two cents.

The Wisdom of Fools

His soul will never starve for exploits or excitements who is wise enough to be made a fool of.
-- G.K. Chesterton